I am in fact Ann Coulter.
Coulter is Kaufman.
Kaufman is Coulter.
I am not George Bush, as some had suspected.
Whatever you hear, do not believe the one about me masterminding 9/11 as a giant conspiracy where no one actually died. For the last three years, I have definitely NOT been hanging out with 343 FDNY firefighters in the Caribbean. Do not believe that one. I am Jewish, though.