Monday, June 16, 2008

Andy Kaufman Self-Portrait

I'm a great looking guy. 30 years ago. I could certainly grow some sideburns!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I Ruled Women's Wrestling

Good lord. Susan was a big girl. I totally dominated her.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Andy Kaufman's Headstone

Ha! They think I'm dead. Look at my grave. They even bought a headstone. Idiots.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Remember When Jerry Lawler Slapped Me on Letterman

Golly. That Jerry Lawler was an asshole. He didn't have to slap me.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Getting Old

I was born on January 17, 1949 in New York City. I'm getting old.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Bigger than Jesus

It's not easy being bigger than Jesus right now. I'm actually getting death threats from a few of the non-believers. Don't worry, I forgive you.

If I ever mysteriously stop posting anymore, it's either because one of them got to me, or I'm just too busy on my national Starbucks and Wal-Mart tour.

Hopefully I'll get to make my first public television appearance before I would have to go into hiding or permanent touring of the country again.

For All the Non-Believers

DC said...

Why does anyone care if it's really him or not? What's the point of all the nasty names?

Zmuda and Lynne took out full-page ads to remind Andy of the date, and his promise to them, right? Everything they've done in the past 20 years, everything that Andy did in the 35 years before that, what was the point of it all? What was the point of Andy Kaufman's life?

Have fun.

So maybe this isn't really him. Maybe it is. But either way, I'm still smiling.

He's having fun. And because he's having fun, I am too. I wish that you could all, for just one second, let yourselves have fun with this.

Because somewhere in this world or the next, Andy Kaufman is laughing his ass off.

DC - the non-believers are what make this country great. They accept the spoon fed liberal mass media line all the way to the bank. People wonder why I'm doing this on a blog instead of just appearing on SNL or Dateline or something. Maybe the mainstream isn't ready for me to be back yet. Maybe I don't want to be back in the Hollywood limelight, whoring myself out for some guy in a dark suit at a nameless mega-corporation.

This may not be it for some of you, but one day you will wake up and see something that you never thought was possible. The world wasn't flat like you thought it was, or you figured out the earth is not in fact the center of the universe and rotates itself about the sun, or that wearing sunscreen really is a good idea.

On that day you'll thank Andy Kaufman. Until then, I'll be seeing you at Starbucks, Wal-Mart, and various truck stops throughout the country on my national tour.

Announcing Andy Kaufman's National Starbucks and Wal-Mart Tour

My friends keep telling me, "Andy - why don't you go on Letterman, man? Or Barbara Walters? Let everyone know you're back."

What I did broke the trust of a lot of people in this country, not to mention many close friends and family members. I will never again be able to gain back that trust. Not even after public appearances or even DNA testing. Some will always have their doubts. I don't care about those people anymore.

I care about my fans, the ones who understood my rare form of comedy meets performance art spectacle. That's why I'm going to give back to you guys only, and tour the country appearing unexpectedly at local Starbucks and Wal-Marts.

I've been working on a lot of new characters these last twenty years, which I may be disguised as:
- aging comedy legend who still thinks everyone recognizes him
- hippie turned yuppie guy in suit, now with bad coke habit
- aging fat and bald guy who thinks he is god's gift to women
- black turtleneck wearing pseudo-intellectual anti-war nerd-chic guy
- and more.

The tour begins TODAY! Be sure to tell your friends and alert the local media when you spot me!

Getting Heat from LAPD Investigators

I got a call today from some investigators at the LAPD who said they wanted to "ask me a few questions" about my disappearance 20 years ago.

I told them about the statute of limitations (7 years) on faking ones death, but they persisted and said they have "other ways of getting to me."

Should I be worried?

This may mean I'll have to go back into hiding sooner than I had thought.

Commenter Hits Nail Right on the Head

Mister Gone said: Might be Andy. Might be Bob. Might be someone else entirely. If you're not on for the ride, then the joke's on you.

This is Andy, but I know some of you won't be believers and that's fine. You're missing out on being "in" on one of the biggest stunts ever pulled -- me returning after faking my death for 20 years, just like I promised!