Thursday, May 20, 2004

Announcing Andy Kaufman's National Starbucks and Wal-Mart Tour

My friends keep telling me, "Andy - why don't you go on Letterman, man? Or Barbara Walters? Let everyone know you're back."

What I did broke the trust of a lot of people in this country, not to mention many close friends and family members. I will never again be able to gain back that trust. Not even after public appearances or even DNA testing. Some will always have their doubts. I don't care about those people anymore.

I care about my fans, the ones who understood my rare form of comedy meets performance art spectacle. That's why I'm going to give back to you guys only, and tour the country appearing unexpectedly at local Starbucks and Wal-Marts.

I've been working on a lot of new characters these last twenty years, which I may be disguised as:
- aging comedy legend who still thinks everyone recognizes him
- hippie turned yuppie guy in suit, now with bad coke habit
- aging fat and bald guy who thinks he is god's gift to women
- black turtleneck wearing pseudo-intellectual anti-war nerd-chic guy
- and more.

The tour begins TODAY! Be sure to tell your friends and alert the local media when you spot me!

538 comments:

1 – 200 of 538   Newer›   Newest»
Chuteboxe said...

How is appearing at a Wal-Mart or Starbucks doing something for your fans when they don't even know where your gonna be?

Post a pic Andy.... not a character of yours either, lets see what you look like now, let your FANS see.

Charlotte_Sometimes said...

Come to England! We wanna see you too!

Ricky said...

Good to have you back. Just wanted to inform you your gambling debts are now at 4.649.345 dollars and rising every week. Better pay up pal. Or you'll be sleeping with the fishes for real.
Pay through this front Every week you don't pay, you lose a limp. Now that's funny, heh?

Leedguitar said...

This is probably the first post that makes this all sound perfectly put on. The rest were almost believable, if even by a stretch of the imagination. I'm still hoping though.

Michael Vandor said...

Anybody that's buying this weak effort (for example Zmuda is well known to have done the Clifton character for the 20th anniversary gig and you can find these pics EASILY on other legit sites), needs to get a life.

To the imposter, how far you plan on taking this, chump?

idontcareandy said...

This isn't about DNA tests or the truth. It's only about whether the person steering the ship can continue to entertain. I never heard anyone complain about current day Bugs Bunny for instance, when we all know it's not the same person portraying Bugs. Let Andy the character be resurrected, not the namesake. Whoever is steering, I hope you pull it off. That's what matters, not the truth.

Broken_Spiral said...

All those characters and stunts ARE the real andy. That's his mind poured out into the public with no filtration, and as a result is a more pure form of getting to know someone... just absorb their mind as they pour it out to you uncensored. It doesn't matter if this is andy, because it was spawned or inspired by andy, and he is always changing. Its only fitting that he changes who he is so radically that we can barely recognize him from his influence anymore. You have only 2 choices: like it or don't like it... but then again, andy couldn't care less if you liked it or not... cause he's andy.

oh any by the way, I spotted you or one of your characters abuot 42 times in the past 4 days since those people (your new personalities) are EVERYWHERE. Yeah I saw Andy K. as the cocaine addicted ex-hippie yuppy at Starbucks... in fact there were 4 of you waiting in line behind each other when I got there. lol.

Cheers for bringing andy-ness back.

ThunderPeel said...

You know this "new" 55 year old Andy Kaufman is decidedly boring! I haven't seen anything on this site which reflects the personality I remember. Sorry Andy, but you seem, well, rather dull and uninteresting. Not one single post you've made has even made me smile. Quite hard to believe from someone who would do absolutely anything to elicit a response from people. There's certainly a lack of genius here.

Also, I happen to know people who knew Andy and I've emailed you asking you about specific situations they mentioned to me. I'm still waiting to hear back from you.

Also: How did you manage to mess up your own press release? That doesn't make a single bit of sense why YOU would make mistakes... unless this was some stupid hoax and you didn't realize that everyone in showbizland writes their own press releases (that's what a press release is!).

I reserve my skepticism and I still don't see anything approaching proof. Certainly no press releases from Lyn or Bob. But of course, it's the type of thing they'd become involved in if they thought they'd get a reaction for the sake of Andy.

freaksalove said...

YAY!!! EVERYONE LOVES ANDY KAUFMAN!!!

Rob Pongi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ThunderPeel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rob Pongi said...

The return of the one and only Mr. Andy Kaufman is the best news that I have heard in, well, 20 years!

See all the latest Video Clips on:

RobPongi.com

ratsan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Skivvies said...

Andy, I know that many of us in Kansas City would love to see you. Welcome back man!

Poindexter said...

We need photographic evidence, here Andy! I wholeheartedly want to believe that you're back, but honestly, any schmuck can dress up as Tony Clifton. Zmuda's been doing that for years. Surely you have a webcam or something. Just snap a quick pic.

Nivek said...

Hey Andy, you taught me so much, like how to use soap, and toliet paper. I to want to be from Hollywood one day just like you. But my mom can kick yer arse lad, just thought you should know. If andy really did do this and if this is for real, he faked his death because he was afraid to face my mom in a steel cage match. Well Andy she is still out there, and she is waiting for you, and that intergender belt. Glad to see you finally got the moxie to come out of hiding to face yer whuppin like a man. You name the place and time and my mom will wrassle you into the ground. You are gonna wish you stayed dead, Mr. Hollywood. That being said, anybody have any salt?

robotnerd said...

definitive proof that walmart exists.

Nivek said...

Hey, where are the sugar plum fairies??? I hear they make good salt

Sickmind Fraud said...

Attention Kmart Shoppers, now in Isle 7 .....sadly we'll never hear this, because didn't Kmart go out of business?

But this does have a chance to become a part of american folk history, a la elvis. andy kaufman travelling the country, making odd appearances at local coffeshops, small time bars, strip malls, all the while driving around the country in a winnebago.

The psychs would say he's crazy, but then, I think they are crazyI wonder what comedy opportunities are available this political season?

ThunderPeel said...

"Most important, if the Andy Kaufman I remember — the brilliant, unpredictable, erratic, and unique comic genius — had finally emerged from hiding twenty years after faking his own death, I have no doubts that he'd find a much more imaginative way of revealing his return than a free press release and a rather ordinary blog."

How very true. FUCK YOU, FAKER.

ThunderPeel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Frog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cybertank said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jesterstar said...

Andy Good job on Fooling the world. It isn't easy being different but you take a bath in being different don't you. Enjoy being a icon.

E. said...

No. Way.

Zhuangzi said...

Most news is manure, news of you made me smile.

rel-volve said...

brilliant. absolutely brilliant

R said...

Aw come on now! Braking the trust of a lot of people in THIS country just puts you on par with the current Administration, if anything ;) Seems like nobody minds that these days.

This is rather Kaufman-esque, if anything, so people should enjoy it for the wonderful, oddball stuff the Net brings.

However, its not hard to resent an attention whore who might be waiting for the publicity when they reveal who they really are.

Of course, if you don't give real evidence to being Andy, its rather silly to expect intelligent or skeptical people to take you seriously. After all, we don't hear any of "Andy's" friends hooting and hollering about a "return", do we? Even if they were in on a "prank", that would be a nice touch.

Isn't Tony going to call for a press conference? LOL!

Ravana said...

I can't wait for the "I waited 20 years for Andy Kaufman and all I got was this stupid Blog" T-shirts.

DC said...

Why does anyone care if it's really him or not? What's the point of all the nasty names?

Zmuda and Lynne took out full-page ads to remind Andy of the date, and his promise to them, right? Everything they've done in the past 20 years, everything that Andy did in the 35 years before that, what was the point of it all? What was the point of Andy Kaufman's life?

Have fun.

So maybe this isn't really him. Maybe it is. But either way, I'm still smiling.

He's having fun. And because he's having fun, I am too. I wish that you could all, for just one second, let yourselves have fun with this.

Because somewhere in this world or the next, Andy Kaufman is laughing his ass off.

Devin Gaffney said...

Hey Andy,

Good Joke.

~Devin

Paul said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
spunkmunk said...

Andy,

I have your mail. Can you please come by the house and pick it up. I think you have some issues, consider re-medicating.

ratsan said...

Keep removeing the posts, your only adding to the fire.

BTW...You do realize the family can press charges against you for impersinateing him right??

simka said...

andy is dead. nuff sed.

ratsan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cwgumby said...

Dude, best prank EVER!!!! "You died" when I was just a month old, so I rarely got to see your work, if at all. (Taxi doesn't count) Now that I'm 20, I'd love to have a chance meeting. You should definitly come to Canada, there are a lot of people who would appreciate what you do. Peace

Sarge said...

Andy,

Welcome back. Just heard the news today. Wow man. One thought passed through my head here in the office while we're all discussing your Masterful Prank...

Just a quick suggestion for your next prank... make these scumbag terrorists disappear for 20yrs.

Semper Fi

Deannarama said...

"Trust me." Andy says...hahhhaaa...trust Andy???
That's even harder to do than believing he's alive!?
WHAT AM I SAYING

Andy, if it is you -- you have realized your wish. Bravo! From now on everyone will remember you as the person who pulled it off -- but I'm dying for you to prove it...! ;)

And...I dare you to contribute to society in a way that will postively change the world. Are you up for THAT challenge? You've brought back the practical joke, you are the king -- but can you get practical and make a difference that affects lives? I think we'd all welcome your creative brilliance in other, more important arenas of our culture.

Hoping to run into you in Colorado Springs.... D-rama

ratsan said...

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/kaufman.asp

Yes keep removeing the link.

I will just keep posting it.

Nobody said...

- aging fat and bald guy who thinks he is god's gift to womenHey! I saw you at a Starbucks in Austin, TX just the other day! Glad to have you back.

For anyone who doubts you're the real deal, I have to ask: If this Andy Kaufman is fake, why aren't there a dozen other immitators out there? Why only one?

Oh, unless the guy I saw yesterday wasn't you. Heck, now I AM confused.

Spoom said...

You should come north of the border some time, we have Wal-Marts and Starbucks here too, though you might have more success at a Tim Hortons ;^)

abby j said...

it doesn't matter whether you're andy or not. it's an andyesque stunt, and it's great. these people getting all pissed need to chill out and appreciate the gray area. you're worth thinking about... whether you're andy or not

bunnance said...

"Ratsan" needs to take a chill pill and stop posting rediculous shit on here. Nobody gives a rats ass on what you post.

bunnance said...

"Ratsan" needs to take a chill pill and stop posting rediculous shit on here. Nobody gives a rats ass on what you post.

Colin Barrett said...

Hey Andy, think you could come to Hawaii? I'd love to meet you finally. You've been an inspiration to me in my pursuit of comedy-hilarity-ness-ness-ish-ness....ly....ish....able................ness. Also, what did you think of Man in the Moon?

Take care
Colin

ratsan said...

(("Ratsan" needs to take a chill pill and stop posting rediculous shit on here. Nobody gives a rats ass on what you post.))

And you need to understand that this is not a funny hoax becuse it's in rather poor taste.

If you really think Andy would have liked this guy makeing this hoax you really need to read a little more about him and try understanding him a little better. He may have indeed had the guts to fake a death for 20 years but the person perpetrating this is makeing a compleate mockery of andy and his fans.

I doubt andy would have been to thrilled whith the money grubbing that occured at the party they held waiting for his return as well and if her were alive would made him wish he wasent.

Trevelbond said...

I didn't think Kaufman did drug comedy...

Hmmm...

PSA Ron said...

well well well..... time does tell doesn't it? If this is the REAL - without question - Andy, then our nights in Phoenix should be a fun memory. And that couple in the spa at the hotel? hummmmmmm And what was the maid doing with your dolls? Oh well - The only other universal question to be asked would be..... "WHY CAN'T PEOPLE WHO POST TO THESE THINGS SPELL?" Remember us if you ever do get back to Phoenix.

Peace and good luck A.

PS - If it's not you - Don't read this and don't say hi if you come to town.

Fake Taker said...

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!

YOU ARE SO STUPID!

YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING!

NO EVIDENCE!

NO PROOF!

AND YOU WONDER WHY NO ONE LIKE AMERICANS...!

BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, WHI ARE SO FUCKING STUPID!

YOU GIVE US ALL A BAD NAME!

Leslie said...

There is a little town in southern Ohio called Jackson. We have one claim to fame - our abnormally large Super Wal-Mart. Please come and visit. :) Provided you don't die on us again.

Ryan said...

Why Starbucks? I would think most people at a Starbucks wouldn't even remember who you are, or wouldn't care who you are, unless you bumped them and made them spill their drink.

wing said...

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/story/0,1259,---21571,00.html

http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/k/Andy%20Kauffman/dc.jpg

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/kaufman.asp

"If the real Andy Kaufman were back, his story would be picked up by every major news service in the U.S. and a good many abroad, not merely a single "anybody can submit a story" free publicity service. And if the real Andy Kaufman genuinely wanted to demonstrate he was still alive, just one public appearance would serve that purpose far more convincingly than an unverifiable DNA test. Most important, if the Andy Kaufman I remember — the brilliant, unpredictable, erratic, and unique comic genius — had finally emerged from hiding twenty years after faking his own death, I have no doubts that he'd find a much more imaginative way of revealing his return than a free press release and a rather ordinary blog."

andy.kaufman said...

http://andykaufman.blogspot.com/

monster mack said...

if this is andy or not.....you sure did piss alot of people off....soo if this isnt andy then great job at pissing every buddy off..but is andy is really alive and you are who you say you are...then it just go's to show who youer real fans are!

Dennis said...

I hope you come to the Walmart in Paris, TN. If you do, Andy, lunch is on me.

madhoss1 said...

i would NOT minde seeing you come around ohio and make appearances at local starbucks or wal-mart in the dayton area...well actually this is a plea for you to do so.

Dr. Syberlux said...

Hello Andy???

If this so-called Rip Van Winkle number you pulled off is in the up and up... BRAVO!

On the side I do character acting and performing. It started with "Living History"... and almost went to areas that even "Chuck Barris" leaves you guessing?

If you find the time and energy... give me a reply. Heck... sometimes you have to pull a "Reality Stunt" these days, just to survive, and keep you life in check.

From the Son-In-Law of a man who wrote for 'The Oval Room'.

Dr. Syberlux

PS: Check "Rumor Mill News" on the Internet from time to time.

Isi said...

You traveling with a secret camera crew or anything? People are just gonna think you're some freak, and you just may get maced, punched, bludgeoned, or attacked with dogs.

Femcenobite said...

Welcome back! I think what you did was pure genius! You already know what you did and why and for those reasons why, I applaud you.

On your tour, you should come to Merced, Ca. It's the butthole of California and the Wal-mart here on a Sunday would be choice material for you.
Of course your black turtle-neck artfag charatcer would be choice for the starbucks here as well.

If interested, please feel free to contact me at femcenobite@deadflesh.org

yes. It would be fun.

Kathryn said...

Well, I figure if a guy's gonna come back from the dead, the first thing he'll want is a grande latte. After the Bunny Ranch stop, anyway.

Plain_Song said...

hmmm maybe you're funny now....

hAcZr said...

just more bullshit. could someone give me back the 30 sec. of my life I just wasted on reading this shit?

Morgan W. Brown said...

hey Andy,

I have just blogged a post on the Always Low Prices blog concerning your national tour:
http://www.alwayslowprices.net/archives/000035.html

DJTripleBypass said...

Hey Andy,
I am in Japan, there are as many Starbucks over here as there are in the States I good line you up on a Japan tour. Tony would really hit it off over here.
djtriplebypass@yahoo.com
http://djtriplebypass.com

Doctor_Spankenstein said...

George W. Bush is really Andy in disguise. When everyone finds out he was just kidding about that whole Iraqi war thing, we're all going to feel pretty stupid. Come on...a President that can't pronounce "nuclear"? Genius! Andy, you really had us going.

Phish Dank Nugz said...

Yo Andy you should dress up as that hippy character and come to the PHISH shows in brooklyn 6/17 and 6/18.
I believe that it is really you, only the suckers dont believe it. You wanna puff a spliff sometime?

nataschia said...

Andy, if it is really you, welcome to the world of blogs. If it isn't you, then you are an insane genius for coming up with this webpage. Have you seen how many hits you've had today? I love it!! Keep posting. I hope to see you at a Starbucks or a Wal-Mart soon. This is truly one of the greatest things I've seen in quite some time. Thank you for bringing some humor to my day!!

nataschia said...

Andy, if it is really you, welcome to the world of blogs. If it isn't you, then you are an insane genius for coming up with this webpage. Have you seen how many hits you've had today? I love it!! Keep posting. I hope to see you at a Starbucks or a Wal-Mart soon. This is truly one of the greatest things I've seen in quite some time. Thank you for bringing some humor to my day!!

fok said...

Is your tour just going to be confined to Starbucks and Wal-Mart locations within America? Or will you also be stopping by and giving us Canadians a visit to.

DJTripleBypass said...

So Andy,
What are you going to do on your One Millionth hit?
Maybe go buy a Licorice Whip or maybe even a Blue Snow Cone. Please do not over do it. If you need a place to stay while you are in Japan meditating. Give me a call
http://djtriplebypass.com

Ian said...

Keep having fun, Andy. Thats the only thing worth having in this life, anyway. Its really sad so few people are caspable of realizing this and display such ugly, negative attitudes on here. If you don't think its funny, you aren't required to read, much less post on here. Otherwise, keep enjoying the performance.

Handstand Brando said...

Dudes I saw him! I saw Andy!!!!

I was at starbucks in Toledo Ohio, and he was just sitting there in the corner! So I ordered my coffee and went up to him and introduced myself. We talked for awhile, but I had to go after that. Great guy! For all the non believers... you can believe now. I dont lie. Andy is alive. The Starbucks Wal-Mart tour is the real deal!!!!!!

DanBrown said...

Come to my hometown Farmington, MO. It's absolutely horrible but amazing at the same time. We not only have a Wal-Mart but it's a super-size Wal-Mart. We also have an old abandoned Transimedation Center about 20 minutes outside of town in a even smaller town called Coffman (like you but spelled differently. It's rumored around here that you came to this center when it was still active, any truth to that?

DanBrown said...

Come to my hometown Farmington, MO. It's absolutely horrible but amazing at the same time. We not only have a Wal-Mart but it's a super-size Wal-Mart. We also have an old abandoned Transimedation Center about 20 minutes outside of town in a even smaller town called Coffman (like you but spelled differently. It's rumored around here that you came to this center when it was still active, any truth to that?

10-95 said...

Well, if this really is Andy Kaufman should be his status with the Internal Revenue Service, they will be expecting to hear from him very soon! And if this in fact is really him it would have been the lead story on every national newscast and yes, the LAPD will be very interested in the forged documents used to fake his death as well as the funeral home who helped in this ruse. There will be trouble for everyone involved IF it really is him. Even with half of your brain functioning properly you can digest all the various info here and see that it IS not the real Andy Kufman.

One thing this prankster has going for him is the fact that Andy Kaufman was of the jewish faith and that means that probably no autopsy was performed on Mr. Kaufman's body which will probably further fan the flames of this sick gag.

oh course a very bright IT person out there has probably figured out where the posts are all coming from.


10-95

BUELL said...

OH MY GOD, YOU PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB.

ITS A JOKE, GET IT?

DON'T SAY "WELCOME BACK"

DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANY EDUCATION AT ALL?!?

DO YOU REALLY THINK HIS OWN PARENTS WOULDN'T KNOW IF HE WAS DEAD OR NOT?

GET A LIFE.

Ftfrog said...

Andy, do the maggots hurt?

John Ulmer said...

Andy Kaufman would never say, "Tell the press about my appearances." "Andy" is contradicting himself - he doesn't want the press to get a hold of him and "whore" him...yet he's willing for people to report his appearance to the press - URGING them to do so?

Yeah, right. Nice try, "Andy," but Snopes has a good article on this.

IT IS A HOAX EVERYONE. Snopes has verified it. YAHOO! was the only website ANYWHERE that claimed the story was true. It turns out most of their information came from a tabloid newspaper.

Rose_M said...

I'm so afriad to believe and guessing I shouldn't and its just a prank in honnor of Andy, and that all the people that you mentioned that are your new character are basicly people you would more then likely see in Wal-mart or Star-bucks. Then again that might be your point. But I do have a question though, Andy, my father who is quite a genuis has trouble using the computer when I am around, how did you, make a full on site and post section, find out about blog, ect. ect. ect. when you have been trying to hide yourself for 20 years?
well whatever cute prank either way,
Love the Nibble

10-95 said...

Well folks, I have used my various connections in west coast law enforcement and have inquired aboout L.A.P.D.'s interest in Andy Kauffman. The response I received when asking a veteran L.A. investigator about the case was: "What case?? Andy Kauffman is rotting in the ground! The L.A.P.D. has no interest in the dead F***ker!"

End of story, more so for Andy.

Irregular Unit 008 said...

ALOHA Andy!

At our Starbucks on the Big Island, we've been celebrating your heroic comedic victorious reappearance! Stop by Prince Kuhio Starbucks for a Venti Triple Soy Latte on me... BZB!!!

Rad wicked choice excellent... I've got one question: Was Jim (Carey) in on it, and was you (Tony) actually in your own (post-mortem) film? Talk about the hoax of the century...

Check out your story when it appears at our News of the Strange!!!

Love & Chocolate! BZB at the BriarPatch

jEntertainment said...

Hi, I'm not sure about the whole Kaufman situation. But is sounds like a marketing ploy by Starbucks and Walmart. Down with big corporations. Love me.

Sickmind Fraud said...

Now that we will probably never hear from this Andy again, you might as well do something useful, and check out Psych Watch, or for that matter, visit a site of someone who does deserve some help and attention

Jay said...

ITS INTERESTING HOW THIS FAKER IS GETTING WHAT HE WANTS, THE ATTENTION AND THAT'S WHAT HE GOT.

nonamouse said...

Jayesh, it appears that you have given him your attention. Is that so bad. Obviously you have gotten something out of this as well ;0)

google_placement said...

Google PlacementSaid:"You can get it!"

Socially Deprived said...

Andy, good luck with your Walmart tour...if you need an opener, I'll be in the EZ-Cheese aisle.

SociallyDeprived.com

amy mercoff said...

There's a rumour that Elvis has left the building.
What is Wal-Mart and Starbucks tour?
MacDonalds tour does sound good. Or even better KFC tour.

Joanie Caucus said...

Amy, I think someone in Fishers Indiana likes KFC.

I can't understand these people who say it doesn't matter if it's really Andy or not. OF COURSE it matters, you crazies!! We're talking about a person's life. What's more important than that?

I don't see how any of us can discount whether it's him or not for sure either way.

I'd like to know; but I imagine if it's Andy, from his perspective, we all must look like a teeming crowd of loonies, with our own selfish designs and motives. Yikes.

It's pretty funny that there are people who are so bored and disenchanted with the blog, that they take the time to read it and then scroll through the comments and finally post themselves. tee hee.

Greg said...

You think you are more important than I

Greg aka Jesus btw

Gregory of David G.O.D. the Word of God

Welcome back?

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I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

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